


Capslocked Swimming Anime

by Fim (damaskino)



Category: Free!
Genre: Comedy, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-22 15:29:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damaskino/pseuds/Fim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summaries of the swimming anime episodes in capslock. Because it would be criminal for an anime like this to be let off without one of these.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Episode 1

SO THE FIRST EPISODE OPENS WITH A SHOTA VOICE PROPOSING TO A POOL. COOL. I HAVE NOT SEEN SUCH ANIMES AS THIS ONE BEFORE.

SHOTA!HARUKA: THE WATER IS LIKE A RABID SEA CREATURE BUT I LOVE IT

SHOTA!HARU: * VAGUELY SENSUAL DESCRIPTION OF SWIMMING*

SHOTA!MAKOTO AND NAGISA: WE DIDN’T CHOOSE THE SHOTA LIFE, THE SHOTA LIFE CHOSE US

SHOTA!MAKO: WE ARE HERE NOT TO SWIM BUT TO STALK HARU.

SHOTA!NAGI: BUT WOW WHO IS THAT HOT PIECE OF SHOTA ASS?

SHOTA!MAKO: I THINK HE’S MY NEW RIVAL FOR HARU’S AFFECTIONS.

HOT PIECE OF SHOTA ASS: *SNAPS GOGGLES ON HEAD* OW WHY DID I THINK THAT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA MY SKULL IS POUNDING NOW

HOT PIECE OF SHOTA ASS: BUT I MUST PUT ON A BRAVE FACE SO I CAN SHOW MY SKILLS TO MY LOVE INTEREST

SHOTA!MAKO: OMG HE’S DUMB TOO

SHOTA!NAGI: HOT PIECE OF SHOTA ASS IS FAST

ME: ARE THEY RACING EACH OTHER, I CAN’T TELL

SHOTA!RIN: WE’RE RACING EACH OTHER

SHOTA!HARU: I THINK THERE’S SOMEONE ELSE IN MY WATER BUT I DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW

SHOTA!MAKO: HARU TOUCHED MY HAND, HE TOUCHED IT, SUCK ON THAT RIN.

SHOTA!NAGI: GUYS DON’T START A PAIRING WAR.

SHOTA!RIN: I’M YOU’RE BIGGEST FAN I’LL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE ME

SHOTA!RIN: OR UNTIL I BEAT YOU.

SHOTA!HARU: I STILL DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

*SUDDENLY, PUBERTY HAPPENS*

HARU: GOOD MORNING LOVE, YOU’RE MOST BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU’RE FRESH FROM THE TAP.

…

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

…

KITTY: MEOW!

*CLOSEUP OF MAKO’S BUTT*

MAKO: I ALSO WENT THROUGH PUBERTY, HOT DAMN

MAKO: HARU WHERE ARE YOU—HOLY JUMPING CATERPILLARS ON A LOG— ** _ABS_**

HARU: I CARE NOT FOR ABS BECAUSE WATER DOESN’T HAVE THEM.

MAKO: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU COOKING FISH IN THE MORNING?

HARU: DON’T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE.

…

*FROLICKING GIRLS!*

BLOND HAIR: *CRASHES INTO CUTE GIRL*

BLOND HAIR: SRY NOT SRY I’M LATE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE!

CUTE GIRL: WTF

…

HARU: I MADE FISH FOR BREAKFAST BUT I DIDN’T PACK A LUNCH.

MAKO: GODDAMMIT HARU.

BLOND HAIR: GUYS IT’S ME!!!!!!!!!!!11111111PUPPIES

MAKO AND HARU: SHIT WHO COULD THIS BE, DO WE KNOW ANY SHOTAS WITH BLOND HAIR? WAIT OMG NAGISA????????!!!!!!!!!!!1111111

NAGI: THE SHOTA LIFE DIDN’T CHOOSE ME, I CHOSE THE SHOTA LIFE

NAGI: I ALSO CHOSE TO GO TO DIFFERENT MIDDLE SCHOOL THAN YOU GUYS.

HARU: WHAT A JERK, WHO LEAVES THEIR FRIENDS TO GO TO ANOTHER SCHOOL?

MAKO: ONLY JERKY JERK-FACES.

NAGI: SO HAVE YOU SEEN RIN, HARU-CHAN?

HARU: *HAS FLASHBACKS OF SHOTA!RIN*

SHOTA!RIN: I’M LEAVING.

SHOTA!HARU: IS IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

SHOTA!RIN: BYE

HARU: WHAT A JERK.

NAGI: HEY LET’S GO TRESSPASSING TONIGHT!

MAKO AND HARU: K.

…

MAKO: WAIT NO I TAKE THAT BACK, THIS PLACE IS FUCKING CREEPY.

NAGI: TOO LATE, LET ME SHOWER YOU WITH SALT.

HARU: IT DOESN’T TASTE LIKE SALT.

MAKO: **WE ARE GOING TO GET CHASED BY GHOSTS AND DIE.**

OMINOUS SHADOW: DID SOMEBODY CALL?

…

NAGI: THEY STILL HAVE OUR PHOTO, WE’RE FAMOUS.

HARU: *MORE FLASHBACKS OF SHOTA!RIN SURROUNDED BY FLOWER PETALS AND WATER, BUT MOSTLY WATER*

SHOTA!RIN: LET’S BURY THIS SHINY TROPHY IN THE GROUND, FOR IT IS THE TRADITIONAL MATING RITUAL OF JERKS. ROMANTIC, ISN’T IT?

SHOTA!HARU: YES.

MAKO: I CAN TELL YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE, STOP.

NAGI: MORE TRESPASSING, NOW WITH 50% MORE DIGGING! ONWARD!

GHOST: *APPEARS AT THE END OF A DARK HALLWAY*

MAKO: DO YOU THINK THAT SUGAR WILL WORK IF I WISH FOR IT HARD ENOUGH???

HARU: WAIT IS THAT—

* **SUDDENLY, RAP MUSIC!!!** *

GHOST: YO.

NAGI: WHO IS THAT?

MAKO: I CAN’T TELL!

ME: YOU ARE THE WORST AT RECOGNIZING PEOPLE EVER.

GHOST: *SNAPS THE BACK OF HIS CAP, WHO EVEN DOES THAT, YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS*

MAKO AND NAGI: OMG RIN???!!??!/1?!?!?!?!/!!??fdsAFDSJLAKF

HARU: OH NO HE’S HOT.

RIN: SWIM WITH ME FOREVER, HARU.

HARU: OKAY.

MAKO: YOU JUST DITCHED ME, HOW COULD YOU DITCH ME, I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL.

NAGI: I LOVE ALL THIS EXTRA TRESPASSING WE’RE DOING.

RIN AND HARU: *OBLIGATORY ANIME RUNNING WHILE GLARING INTO EACH OTHERS’ EYES SHOT* *GUYS WHAT IF YOU SLIP AND FALL AND THERE’S NO MORE ANIME*

MAKO: YOU’RE BOTH IDIOTS.

NAGI: OMIGAWD THAT IS SUCH A CUTE MOUSE IN THE EMPTY SWIMMING POOL.

HARU: WHAT IS A POOL WITHOUT SWIMMING. WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT WATER.

RIN: SHIT, NOW THERE’S NO WATER TO DISTRACT HARU WHILE I WOO HIM. TIME TO MAKE MY ANGSTY ESCAPE. *DROPS SHINY TROPHY TO THE GROUND*

HARU: THIS WAS A DREAM SEQUENCE. ALSO THE ANIMAL CROSSING SOUNDTRACK IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.

MAKO: THAT WASN’T A DREAM, RIN IS JUST A JERK.

HARU: MAYBE HE WAS A GHOST.

MAKO: STOP TALKING ABOUT GHOSTS, OMFG.

CUTE GIRL BEHIND THE BUSHES: I GOT MY SUBTLETY AND SNEAKING SKILLS FROM MY BROTHER.

…

GUY WITH SOME AUTHORITY IN THE SCHOOL: SHAME ON YOU FOR TRESPASSING!!!!!!!!!

NAGI: NO.

…

HARU: SOMEONE RANG MY DOORBELL BUT I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF A HOT DATE WITH MY BATHTUB.

HARU: SO NO.

GOU: WOW IT’S YOU TWO, FANCY MEETING YOU HERE, HOW DID YOU SNEAK UP BEHIND ME AND CAN YOU TEACH ME BECAUSE MY BROTHER IS NOT ACTUALLY THE MASTER OF SUBTLETY. SPEAKING OF MY BROTHER, HAVE GUYS SEEN HIM?

MAKO: SO WHAT DID HE FINALLY COME BACK FROM AUSTRALIA AFTER BEING A JERK FOR SO MANY YEARS?

GOU: HE’S STILL A JERK BUT NOW HE’S A JERK THAT GOES TO SAMEZUKA ACADEMY.

NAGI: …HEY LET’S GO TRESPASSING AGAIN.

MAKO: SUDDENLY WE HAVE APPARATED INTO HARU’S HOUSE. WE ARE TRESPASSING MASTERS.

HARU: NO, I HAVE AN ANGSTY BACKSTORY WITH RIN AND I DON’T WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN.

NAGI: BUT!

MAKO: THERE’S A POOL.

HARU: *SPARKLES*

…

MAKO: MAYBE WE SHOULD TRESPASS WHEN THEY’RE LESS PEOPLE AROUND TO WITNESS.

HARU: *STRIPS*

MAKO: GODDAMMIT HARU.

*SUDDEN SKIP TO NIGHTTIME! DID THEY SERIOUSLY JUST STAND IN FRONT OF SOMEONE ELSE’S SCHOOL FOR HOURS? AND NO ONE SAW THEM?*

HARU: I HAVE FOUND MY TRUE LOVE.

NAGI: SKINNYDIPPING!!!

MAKO: I’M TIRED OF YOUR SHIT AND DRIPPING WET BUT I THINK I CAN HEAR THE FANGIRLS SWOONING BEHIND THE SCREEN.

FANGIRLS: HE’S EVEN HOTTER WITH HIS SHIRT OFF

NAGI: MATURITY WATER FIGHT!

RIN: *APPEARS*

NAGI: I FORGOT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING FOR YOU!

RIN: CONGRATS, YOU FOUND ME. NOW GET OUT.

NAGI: WHY HAVE YOU CHANGED SO.

*BUTTSHOT OF HARU*

RIN: O HEI

*DUBSTEP!*

HARU: *SPARKLES*

RIN: OKAY

MAKO: DID THEY EVEN SAY ANYTHING MEANINGFUL TO EACH OTHER

NAGI: WHY AREN’T WE IN THE FRAME ANYMORE?

ME: I THINK THEY’RE GOING TO RACE EACH OTHER.

....

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Episode 2

SO OUR LAST EPISODE ENDED WITH LOTS OF DUBSTEP. DOES HIP MUSIC FOLLOW RIN AROUND EVERYWHERE OR SOMETHING? IT’S PROBABLY HIS PERSONAL FANCLUB. THEY LURK IN THE SHADOWS AND PROVIDE HIM WITH SOUNDTRACKS. NO WONDER HE’S ALWAYS SO PISSY.

HARU: BE OUR REF, MAKOTO.

MAKO: THIS REEKS OF A BAD IDEA BUT OKAY.

*GRACEFUL FLYING THROUGH THE AIR!*

NAGI: WE AREN’T EVEN IN THE WATER ANYMORE, WHEN WILL WE ACTUALLY SWIM?

MAKO: LIKE I SAID, WE ARE NOT HERE TO SWIM BUT TO STALK HARU.

HARU: *EPIC BURST OF SPEED!*

ME: WHO IS GOING TO WIN, THIS RACE IS SO INTENSE I AM AT THE EDGE OF MY SEAT

OPENING SEQUENCE: *HAPPENS*

ME: GDI

OPENING SEQUENCE: *ENDS*

RIN: I AM MOPING ON MY BED.

ME: WHAT JUST HAPPENED

GOU: HEY BRO HERE IS AN ILL-TIMED AND ILL-WORDED TEXT BECAUSE I CARE

RIN: *THROWS A TANTRUM*

ME: SO RIN LOST?

…

HARU: MR. DOLPHIN, DO YOU KNOW WHY THE WATER IN MY BATHTUB IS GREEN?

…

GUY WITH SOME AUTHORITY IN THE SCHOOL: SHAME ON YOU FOR TRESPASSING!!!!!!!!!

NAGI: NO.

AMA-CHAN-SENSEI-SEMPAI-SAN-SAMA-KUN: FISH!

GUY: I HATE FISH.

HARU: I HATE YOU.

MAKO: HARU I KNOW THAT GUY JUST OFFENDED YOUR ANCESTORS OR SOMETHING BUT DON’T JUST DISAPPEAR ON US LIKE THAT.

GOU: *APPEARS* I KEEP TRYING TO FIND OUT THE STATE OF RIN’S RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU GUYS BUT NO ONE EVER GIVES ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER.

NAGI: BUT WHY HAS HE CHANGED SO???

GOU: IDK HE NEVER ANSWERS MY TEXTS

NAGI: HEY BRILLIANT IDEA LET’S START A SWIMMING CLUB! THEN WE CAN STALK RIN AND IMPOSE OURSELVES INTO HIS LIVES IN SUCH A WAY THAT HE’LL BE FORCED TO ACKNOWLEDGE US EVENTUALLY. WE’RE GOOD AT STALKING. AND TRESPASSING.

MAKO: I DON’T THINK HARU WOULD BE DOWN WITH THAT.

HARU: I’M DOWN WITH IT.

MAKO: WHAT

GOU: ASDFJ;LAKSJDF I AM AS IN LOVE WITH YOUR TRICEPS AS YOU ARE WITH WATER

HARU: THX I’M GOING TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH SEAFOOD NOW.

GOU: RIN

MAKO: RIN?

NAGI: RIN!

HARU: *ANGSTS BY HIMSELF IN THE KITCHEN*

…

NAGI: GUYS I AM THE ONLY PROACTIVE PERSON IN OUR INNER FRIEND CIRCLE SO I PICKED UP A CLUB APPLICATION FORM.

MAKO: GO YOU!

HARU: I REMEMBERED TO PACK A LUNCH TODAY.

NAGI: SO MAKO-CAN, YOU’LL BE THE PRESIDENT.

MAKO: WHY NOT HARU? HE’S THE FASTEST.

NAGI: …

MAKO: YOU DON’T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT.

NAGI: HARU WILL BE THE VICE CAPTAIN BECAUSE THEY DON’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING.

EVERY VICE CAPTAIN FROM PRINCE OF TENNIS: I WILL EAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

NAGI: OKAY COOL NOW LET’S GO PRESSURE AMA-CHAN-SENSEI INTO BEING OUR ADVISOR BECAUSE WE NEED AN ADULT.

…

GOU: I’M HERE TO STALK MY BROTHER BECAUSE HE’S BEEN NEGLECTFUL. HIS OLD TEAMMATES TAUGHT ME HOW.

SEIJUROU: HOLY CRAP YOU’RE LKE THE ONLY GIRL I’VE SEEN IN THIS ANIME, MARRY ME NOW.

GOU: THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT BUT HAVE YOU SEEN MY BROTHER?

SEI: I DON’T KNOW YOUR BROTHER, BUT DO YOU THINK HE CAN SET US UP IF I FIND HIM

GOU: I KNOW A FEW PEOPLE IN THE OTHER SCHOOL WHO CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO STALK HIM.

SEI: PLEASE DATE ME I’M THE ONLY STRAIGHT GUY IN A TWENTY MILE RADIUS.

…

RIN: *WIBBLES AT PICTURE OF A TEAM OF SWIMMING BOYS ON THE WALL*

ME: I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON BUT PLEASE DON’T CRY OMFG *ROLLS*

…

AMA: YOUR CLUB APPLICATION WAS APPROVED BUT NOW WE’LL DO SOME HOUSEWORK.

HARU: I AM NOT BUILT FOR THIS!

MAKO: YOU’RE SO ADORABLE WHEN YOU’RE SUFFERING OUT OF THE WATER

*POOL REPAIR MONTAGE!*

HARU: I HAVE BEEN STARVED FOR WATER, LET ME JUST TOUCH THE FISHTANK WITH MY TOES.

MAKO: NO.

HARU: JUST A PINKY.

MAKO: NO.

NAGI: LOOK AT MY CUBIST POSTER DESIGNING SKILLS!

HARU: *DISPLAYS A BEAUTIFULLY PAINTED MASTERPIECE*

ART CLUB: YOU ARE FREE TO DRAW FREESTYLE AT OUR FREE ART CLUB ANY TIME YOU LIKE

…

RIN: *MOPES ON BED*

ME: IS THIS A THING NOW, ARE THEY GOING TO KEEP STICKING TWO-SECOND CLIPS LIKE THIS IN THE MIDDLE OF A NICE SCENE JUST TO HAVE ANGST CRUSH DOWN UPON US AND REMIND US THAT THIS ANIME IS SRS BZNS?

…

NAGI: GUYS I DON’T SEEM TO HAVE THE SKILLS NECESSARY TO RECRUIT ONE PERSON TO OUR SWIMMING CLUB. THAT ONE GUY WAS PRETTY HOT THOUGH.

MAKO: DO YOU MEAN WE SPENT ALL THOSE HOURS OF HARD LABOR FOR NOTHING?

MAKO: NO.

MAKO: I REFUSE.

HARU: WELL THAT MARKS THE 146TH BIRD SCULPTURE I’VE CARVED TODAY.

NAGI: MAYBE IF WE EXPLOIT AMA-CHAN-SENSEI’S WOMANLY POPULARITY—

AMA: YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU UTTERED THOSE WORDS.

…

GOU: SO SRSLY WHAT IS UP WITH RIN AND YOU GUYS.

MAKO: I WILL GIVE YOU AN EVASIVE ANSWER BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY DON’T KNOW. HARU HAS BEEN ANGSTING ON THE INSIDE SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL.

GOU: LIKE MY BROTHER?

MAKO: BY THE WAY RIN WON THAT MATCH BETWEEN THEM.

ME: WHAT.

GOU: WHAT.

*FLASHBACK*

HARU: GOOD JOB, YOU WON.

RIN: WTF;AS;LDKFJASAWEFJAXICJ

RIN: LOOK INTO MY EYES GODDAMMIT

HARU: I’M LOOKING

HARU: I AM LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO YOUR FACE

*SEXUAL TENSION EVERYWHERE*

MAKO: AND THEN SOMEONE CAUGHT US TRESPASSING, BUT I’M NOT SURE WHAT WE EXPECTED WITH ALL THAT NOISE.

GOU: *HAS FLASHBACK OF SHOTA!TEAM AND IS SWAMPED WITH FEELS*

GOU: I WILL JOIN YOUR SWIM TEAM!

MAKO:  I AM HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING HOW YOUR TRAIN OF THOUGHT CONNECTED TO THERE BUT THAT’S WONDERFUL!

NAGI: SUCCESS!

HARU: *SMILES*

FANGIRLS: AAAAAHHHHHHH

…

MAKO: GUYS I’M GOING TO BE IN A SWIMMING CLUB AGAIN!

PARENTS: GRATZ

MAKO: *CONTINUES TO BE THE BEST SIBLING IN EXISTENCE*

MAKO’S DAD: BTW YOUR OLD SWIM CLUB’S FINALLY GOING TO BE TORN DOWN.

MAKO: NO WAY?

MAKO: *AT THE HALF-TORN SWIM CLUB BUILDING* IT’S LIKE THEY’RE BLOWING MY MEMORIES AWAY AND CRUSHING THEM WITH THEIR MODERN TECHNOLOGY.

PIZZA GUY: YO

MAKO: COACH???

COACH SASABE: WOW CONGRATS ON THE PUBERTY, MAKOTO.

MAKO: I GET THAT A LOT.

SASABE: RIN

MAKO: EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP TALKING ABOUT RIN BEFORE ANGST BECOMES A SUB-GENRE FOR THIS ANIME.

 SASABE: LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE LAST TIME I SAW RIN.

MAKO: I SENSE AN IMPENDING DRAMA OVERLOAD. I AM WEARING A HORRIFIED EXPRESSION TO MATCH.

SASABE: YEAH THEY RACED AND HARUKA WON.

MAKO: OMFGPUPPIES FOR REAL???

SASABE: AND THEN THEY HAD A DRAMATIC SEPIA SEPARATION IN SLOW-MO, RIN’S GOGGLES CLATTERED ON THE FLOOR AND EVERYTHING.

MAKO: SUDDENLY I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THE TRAUMA THEY HAVE BEEN CARRYING FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS!

HARU: *DEJECTED FACE WITH MAKO’S VOICEOVER*

MAKO: HE QUIT SWIMMING…BECAUSE HE HURT RIN!

FANDOM: **GAAAAASP!!!!!!!!!!**

MAKO: *CALLS RIN* I KNOW YOU’RE PROBABLY STILL MOPING ON YOUR BED BECAUSE THAT’S THE ONLY PLACE OTHER THAN A POOL THAT WE’VE SEEN YOU IN SO FAR. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW WE’RE STARTING A SWIM CLUB KTHXBAI

RIN: *MOPING ON BED* SHUT UP I HAVE AN EVEN ANGSTIER BACKSTORY BEHIND THAT BACKSTORY.

…

NAGI: FORGET RIN, THE POOL’S READY YAY!!!

HARU: I HAVE MISSED YOU MY LOVE

GOU: TRICEPS??!!!

MAKO: OMG SHE’S ONE OF **THOSE**

HARU: YOU WILL LET ME SWIM TO MAKE UP FOR AN ENTIRE EPISODE OF ME ONLY SWIMMING IN FLASHBACKS.

…

TO BE CONTINUED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SOMETIMES I FORGET TO DISABLE CAPSLOCK AND I GO ON FACEBOOK WHILE I'M WRITING THESE AND EVERYTHING I TYPE TURNS OUT REALLY ASSERTIVE


	3. Episode 3

HARU: ACHOO.

MAKO: HERE, TISSUES. I CARRY THEM ON MY PERSON ALL THE TIME FOR CASES LIKE THESE. AND NOT THE WIMPY TINY PACKS OR ANYTHING. THIS IS LEGIT. IT’S LIKE THE SIZE OF AN ACTUAL TISSUE BOX, BUT FLAT.

HARU: SOMEONE IS TALKING ABOUT ME?

NAGI: MUST BE RIN-CHAN.

MAKO: OMFG CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT RIN

MAKO: IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN 30 SECONDS INTO THE EPISODE

MAKO: HIS NAME IS PRACTICALLY SYNONYMOUS WITH ANGST, CAN YOU STOP

MAKO: WAY TO SET THE MOOD

NAGI: SO RIN.

MAKO: GDI

NAGI: HE JOINED THE SAMEZUKA SWIM CLUB! IS ANYONE SURPRISED?!

MAKO: OH GOOD.  MAYBE HE’LL EVENTUALLY STOP ANGSTING IF HE GETS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO SCREENTIME.

NAGI: YAY RELAYS!

HARU: *IS A BUZZKILL*

NAGI: HARUUUUUUUUU *DOES THE MOST ADORABLE NUZZLING THING*

HARU: ARE YOU FORGETTING OUR TEAM IS MADE UP OF, LIKE, THREE PEOPLE?

NAGI: FUCKING DAMN IT.

…

NAGI: OMAIGAWD YOU’RE THAT HOT GUY I ASKED TO JOIN OUR CLUB LAST EPISODE!

REI: NO.

NAGI: I DIDN’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING.

REI: *GETS OFF THE TRAIN*

NAGI: RUN ALL YOU WANT. YOU CAN’T GET AWAY, YOU’RE IN THE OPENING SEQUENCE.

NAGI: …

NAGI: WOW HE’S STILL RLY HOT.

GIRLS ON THE TRAIN: PLEASE STOP LEANING OVER US AND PLASTERING YOUR FACE AGAINST THE WINDOW.

…

GOU: I FOUND A PLACE TO SWIM INDOORS, BECAUSE APPARENTLY NONE OF YOU HAVE YMCA MEMBERSHIPS. ALSO MY NAME IS PRONOUNCED LIKE “KOU” YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE.

NAGI: I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER MY EXCITEMENT FOR THIS INDOOR POOL.

HARU: *SPARKLES*

ME: OF ALL PEOPLE, WHY DOESN’T _HE_ HAVE A YMCA MEMBERSHIP?

AMA: YEAH NO THE SCHOOL ISN’T GOING TO FUND YOU FOR CLUB MEMBERSHIPS. MAYBE IF YOU WIN A FEW TROPHIES THOUGH.

HARU: I WILL DO _ANYTHING_ FOR THAT POOL.

ME: _HOW DO YOU NOT ALREADY HAVE YEAR-ROUND ACCESS TO A POOL._ ON THAT NOTE, WHY IN THE WORLD IS THE SCHOOL POOL OUTSIDE? I JUST. WHY.

AMA: YOU ALSO NEED ANOTHER MEMBER.

HARU: _ANYTHING._

MAKO: HARU?

HARU: I AM A MAN ON A MISSION.

HARU: *STALKS UP TO A PAIR OF FRESHMEN* IF YOU JOIN THE SWIM CLUB, I’LL GIVE YOU THIS KEYCHAIN.

FRESHMEN: I DON’T WANT IT.

HARU: WELL I’M FRESH OUT OF OPTIONS.

MAKO: I KNOW WHY I’M THE CAPTAIN NOW.

…

NAGI: TARGET SIGHTED. STALK MODE ACTIVATE.

NAGI: WALK HOME WITH ME!

REI: WHAT.

NAGI: NOTICE ME, SENPAI!

REI: I’M NOT YOUR SENPAI.

NAGI: I’LL GIVE MY FIRSTBORN IF YOU JOIN THE SWIM CLUB.

REI: ARE YOU CAPABLE OF GIVING BIRTH?

NAGI: NO.

REI: THEN I DON’T TRUST YOU.

NAGI: FINE. I’LL JUST FOLLOW YOU. I’M GOOD AT THAT.

NAGI: TRESSPASSING ON TRACK PRACTICE. … THAT’S ALMOST A TONGUE-TWISTER!

NAGI: GUYS LOOK I FOUND THE PERFECT PERSON FOR OUR SWIMMING CLUB.

MAKO: I REALLY HOPE YOU DID YOUR RESEARCH, NAGISA.

NAGI: OF COURSE I DID, WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? HE HAS A GIRLY NAME.

MAKO: UH…

NAGI: HE’S ALSO _REALLY HOT_.

GOU: I APPROVE.

MAKO: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.

REI: *SCIENTIFIC MUMBO JUMBO*

NAGI: I THINK I’M IN LOVE.

REI: *FLIES THROUGH THE AIR*

NAGI: TAKE ME NOW.

GOU:  I STILL APPROVE.

…

NAGI: YOU DIDN’T THINK YOU COULD ESCAPE FROM ME, DID YOU?

REI: _DO YOU THINK THAT IF I JUST IGNORE HIM, HE’LL GO AWAY?_

NAGI: YOU’RE GOING TO MARRY ME.

REI: I…WHAT. NO. I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU.

NAGI: THAT’S OKAY, YOU’LL KNOW ME WHEN YOU JOIN THE SWIM CLUB.

REI: WILL YOU PLEASE STOP FOLLOWING ME.

NAGI: NO.

REI: I ONLY LIKE PRETTY SPORTS.

NAGI: YOU DON’T THINK I’M PRETTY?

REI: WHAT.

…

HARU: *IS DRAWING AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL POSTER OF… … IS THAT MAKOTO ON A ROCK WITH STREAMERS IN THE BACK, HARU*

NAGI: I COULDN’T CONVINCE HIM TO JOIN US! MAYBE I NEED TO TRY HARDER. I THINK HE JUST DOESN’T LIKE WATER, THOUGH.

HARU: BURN HIM.

…

*HARU AND MAKO WALKING OFF INTO THE SUNSET* *DAMN THE COLORS IN THIS SHOW ARE GORGEOUS*

MAKO: I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO BRING UP RIN AGAIN, BUT ARE YOU OKAY WITH SWIMMING COMPETITIVELY AGAINST HIM? COACH SASABE TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR DRAMATIC SLOW-MO SEPIA ANGSTY LAST ENCOUNTER.

HARU: THEY’LL GIVE HIM CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, HE’LL BE FINE. I THINK.

…

TRACK COACH: MAN YOU GOTTA STOP BEING SUCH A NERD.

REI: THIS SUNSET IS THE COLOR OF MY AAAANGST.

…

GOU: THERE WAS A LACK OF RIN IN THIS EPISODE SO I SCHEDULED A JOINT PRACTICE WITH SAMEZUKA!

*FLASHBACK*

SEI: OF COURSE, WHATEVER YOU WANT, PLEASE MARRY ME

MAKO: AT LEAST WE GOT HALF AN EPISODE OF FLUFFINESS IN BEFORE RIN HAD TO APPEAR AND DRAIN THE MOOD.

…

RIN: RAAAAAAAHHHHHH ANGST

NITORI: SENPAI NOTICE ME

…

HARU: RIN SENSES ARE TINGLING.

…

NAGI: HEY.

REI: **WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE.**

NAGI: I’M GOING TO RUN WITH YOU. OH, THE SCENIC ROUTE WITH THE PINK FLOWERS? PERFECT, THEY REPRESENT MY TOTALLY INNOCENT AND PLATONIC LOVE FOR YOU.

REI: WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO JOIN YOUR CLUB SO BADLY, ANYWAY?

NAGI: BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GIRLY NAME!

REI: WTF.

NAGI: BUT ALSO BECAUSE YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL.

REI: *BLUSHU*I-I MEAN IT’S NOT LIKE I’M SPECIAL OR ANYTHING.

NAGI: AND HARU-CHAN IS A REALLY PRETTY SWIMMER SO TOTES TRY IT OKAY?

…

REI: HARU-CHAN-SAN.

HARU: ….WHAT.

REI: I’LL JOIN YOUR SWIM CLUB FOR NOW. AS LONG AS I DON’T DO ANY SWIMMING.

NAGI: … I’LL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET.

…

GOU: *BEAUTIFULLY SCULPTED MUSCLES OVERLOAD*

SEI: YOU MADE IT, I’M SO HAPPY! ALSO OMG HARU I’M ACTUALLY A BIG FAN…

NITORI: SENPAI. SENPAI SENPAI.

RIN: RAAAAAHHH

REI: WHAT’S HIS PROBLEM?

MAKO: FINALLY, SOMEONE SAID IT. HE’S LIKE THE WALKING ANGST THUNDERCLOUD.

SEI: YOU IN THE JUMPSUIT, YOU’RE SWIMMING.

REI: SHIT.

RIN: *SPIES FROM THE BALCONY AND THINK HE’S BEING SNEAKY*

GOU: YOU’RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, BRO.

SEI: YOU IN THE GLASSES. DID YOU NOT HEAR ME WHEN I SAID YOU WERE SWIMMING?

REI: SHIIIIT.

HARU: YOU FOO.

REI: WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO GET SOME SUPPORT AROUND HERE?

REI: *DIVES OFF STARTING BLOCK*

REI: *FAILS*

CAMERA: *CATCHES THE FAIL AT MULTIPLE ANGLES*

IWATOBI TEAM: *STUNNED SPEECHLESS BY FAIL*

ME: OH MAN YOU KNOW IT’S A TRUE FAIL WHEN THEY SHOW IT TO YOU THAT MANY TIMES.

MAKO: …HE ISN’T RESURFACING.

HARU: MUST I DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF? *GRACEFUL PROTAGONIST DIVE*

NAGI: ME TOO!

ME: YOU’RE IN THE SHALLOW END, COULDN’T YOU JUST HAVE…I DON’T KNOW, _STOOD UP?_

NAGI: WHY DIDN’T YOU TEEELLLLL US YOU COULDN’T SWIM, REI-CHAAAANN???

REI: IT’S NOT BEAUTIFUL!!!

NAGI: I THINK YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!!!

REI: NOT ANYMORE!!!

MAKO: OMG PLEASE DON’T START ANGSTING.

HARU: WELL, MOVING ON, IT’S TIME FOR MY HOT DATE. *LEAVES*

RIN: ***STAAAARES***

HARU: *EVEN MORE GRACEFUL DIVE*

REI: OMAIGAWD HE’S BEAUTIFUL.

NAGI: DID

NAGI: DID HARU JUST STEAL MY MAN

REI: I. I WANT TO BE LIKE THAT SENPAI.

*LATER AT TRACK PRACTICE*

REI: FREE LIKE A BUTTERFREE!!!

HARU: I’M DONE HERE.

REI: I EXPECT YOU TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME, NAGISA-KUN.

NAGI: YES YES OKAY I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. WHEN DO YOU WANT THE WEDDING TO BE? I’M THINKING AUGUST. IT’S A NICE MONTH. IT’S ALSO VERY SOON. WE SHOULD PLAN THE COLORS AND EVERYTHING RIGHT AWAY. **I LOVE YOU.**


	4. Episode 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.K.A. THE CHAPTER WHERE EVERYONE STARTED SHIPPING HARURIN.

THIS TIME, WE ARE GREETED WITH A ROW OF UM…HARU’S SWIMSUITS. DID YOU KNOW HE WORE DIFFERENT ONES? BECAUSE I DIDN’T. THEY LOOK THE SAME. BUT I GUESS SOME OF THEM ACCENTUATE HIS V-LINE MORE. HE WEARS THEM WHEN HE’S FEELING SEXY.

HARU: NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND MY PAIN. THE PAIN OF BEING AN ABSURDLY ATTRACTIVE YOUNG MALE WHO MUST SUFFER THROUGH THE BURDEN OF SUCH CHOICES AS THESE EVERY MORNING. HOW CAN ANYONE EXPECT ME TO BE ABLE CHOOSE?

MAKO: PLAYING WITH THIS KITTEN IS INFINITELY MORE INTERESTING THAN WATCHING HARU PICK A SWIMSUIT.

HARU: I ENDED UP WEARING ALL FIVE.

MAKO: …HOW IS THAT EVEN HAPPENING.

HARU: I’LL CHOOSE ONE WHEN I GET TO THE WATER.

MAKO: ALRIGHT WELL TODAY’S THE BIG DAY, EVEN THOUGH WE’LL ACTUALLY DO NOTHING BUT TRY ON SPEEDOS.

…

GOU: IT’S FINALLY WARM ENOUGH TO USE THE POOL—

HARU: DEUCES

GOU: SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING OR SHOULD I JUST GIVE UP FROM NOW ON

REI: *PICKS UP PAPER* IS THIS SCIENCE?

MAKO: NO, IT’S SWIMMING.

REI: OH.

REI: *POINTS TO “MED. R”* IS THIS SOMEONE’S NAME?

ME: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW, REI

MAKO: AHAHAHA IT’S OKAY I DEAL WITH OBLIVIOUS FOOLS ALL THE TIME.

REI: I HAVE READ THE LIBRARY’S STOCK ON SWIMMING, THEREFORE I AM NOW A SWIMMER.

NAGI: BY THE WAY DID YOU MAKE THIS TRAINING REGIMEN BY YOURSELF, GOU?

GOU: NO MY BROTHER DID.

HARU: I HEARD RIN’S NAME AND NOW MY FACE HAS BECOME ANGST.

MAKO: OKAY WELL AT LEAST WE MANAGED TO LAST TWO MINUTES THIS TIME BEFORE RIN WAS MENTIONED.

MAKO: ACTUALLY WHAT NO THAT’S NOT IMPRESSIVE AT ALL.

MAKO: PRETTY SURE THE WRITERS ARE AS PREOCCUPIED WITH HIM AS THE CAST IS.

REI: ALRIGHT SO I CAN’T SWIM BUT AT LEAST I HAVE A HOT BOD.

NAGI: YES.

REI: I CAN SOUND SCIENTIFIC AND STRETCH SEXILY AT THE SAME TIME.

NAGI: YOU DON’T HAVE TO SOUND SCIENTIFIC. YOU CAN JUST DO THE SECOND THING.

GOU: HARU, DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MY BROTHER?

HARU: NO.

GOU: I SHIP IT.

NAGI: SHIT THIS WATER’S ACTUALLY STILL COLD. YOU LIED.

REI: *IS STILL STRETCHING*

MAKO: YOU CAN STOP NOW, YOU KNOW.

NAGI: NO, KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING.

REI: LET ME SHOW YOU MY SWIMMING MASTERY NOW.

REI: *BENDS DOWN AT AN ANGLE THAT MAKES IT LOOK LIKE HE’S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES* *THE ANIMATORS ARE NOT VERY SUBTLE OR SNEAKY* *THEY NEED TO TAKE LESSONS FROM THE IWATOBI BOYS*

REI: *GRACEFUL SWAN DIVE*

REI: *BELLY FLOP*

REI: FUCKING HELL?!?!

NAGI: IT’S OKAY BABY, YOU’RE STILL HOT! JUST WALK IT OFF!

MAKO: DON’T WORRY REI, LET’S START OUT BY TEACHING YOU HOW TO LOOK LIKE A DEAD BODY.

REI: I CAN DO THAT.

NAGI: THAT’S SO IMPRESSIVE!

MAKO: ALRIGHT NOW PRETEND YOU’VE COME BACK TO LIFE.

REI: BLUB BLUB BLUB

NAGI: HE’S NOT MAKING PROGRESS ON THE LIVING PART!

HARU: WHATEVER GUYS

GOU: HARUKA-SENPAI, WHY DO YOU SWIM?

HARU: WHAT’S UP WITH THE DEEP QUESTIONS TODAY?

GOU: MY BROTHER SWIMS BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GO THE OLYMPICS!

HARU: DON’T FUCKING IGNORE ME GIRL

GOU: AND THESE ANTS, THEY REPRESENT HIS INNER STRUGGLE AND HOW LIFE WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF HE STOPPED BEING SUCH A TSUN AND CAME BACK TO YOU GUYS.

*MEANWHILE, RIN*

RIN: RAAAHHH

NITORI: SENPAI

RIN: RAAAAHHHH

NITORI: SENPAI YOU’RE REALLY SCARY SOMETIMES.

RIN: I’M MOPING ON MY BED BECAUSE I WAS OGLING MY OLD TEAM

NITORI: WAIT WHY ARE YOU MOPING—

RIN: I WAS DISAPPOINTED!

NITORI: THEY LOOKED KIND OF GREAT TO ME—

RIN: AND I DON’T MOPE!

NITORI: BUT SENPAI—

RIN: GOING OUT, BYE.

NITORI: SENPAI I LOVE YOU PLEASE NOTICE ME

RIN: RUNNING MY ANGST AWAAAYYYYY

…

NAGI: SCREW SENIORITY, I HAVE A FASHION MAG!

REI: I AM SO GOMEN, SENPAI CLASS.

NAGI: WE CAN PUT OUR UGLY PENGUIN MASCOT ON OUR UNIFORMS!

REI: ANYTHING BUT THE UGLY PENGUIN MASCOT!

HARU: *SCRIBBLES*

REI: I TAKE IT BACK, IT’S BEAUTIFUL

NAGI: YOU DON’T THINK I’M BEAUTIFUL???

GOU: YOU BOYS NEED TO STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT FASHION MAG AND START TALKING ABOUT THIS TRAINING MENU!

REI: KILL ME NOW.

*REI’S TRAINING MONTAGE* *COMPLETE WITH LOTS OF FANSERVICE AND BUTTSHOTS*

NAGI: IT’S TIME FOR YOUR PART OF THE MONTAGE, HARU!

HARU: NO, THAT TAKES EFFORT.

EVERY PERSON EVER: *RELATES TO HIM ON AN EMBARRASSING LEVEL*

GOU: AMA-CHAN-SENSEI, PLEASE USE YOUR WOMANLY WISDOM TO HELP THESE HOPELESS LOSERS.

AMA: … NOPE CAN’T DO IT.

NAGI: ALRIGHT GUYS, LET’S USE OUR BRAINS TO FIGURE WHY REI SUCKS SO MUCH AT SWIMMING!

HARU: THE WATER DOESN’T LIKE HIM.

NAGI: OUCH.

GOU: MAYBE HE’S ATHLETICALLY CHALLENGED!

ME: HAVE. HAVE YOU BEEN SEEING THE SAME BODY AS US? I MEAN LIKE I’M PRETTY SURE YOU HAVE BEEN SO LIKE. UM. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS ENTIRE SCENE.

NAGI: MAYBE IT’S ‘CUZ YOU’RE SUCH A NERD!

REI: FFFFFFFFFFF WHY DOES IT ALWAYS COME TO THAT

…

REI: I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!

NAGI: REALLY? YOU WANNA SHARE? INTIMATELY?

REI: I FIGURED OUT WHY I CAN’T SWIM!

NAGI: OH.

REI: IT’S THIS SPEEDO!

MAKO: PRETTY SURE THAT’S TOTALLY BULLSHIT BUT IT IS PRETTY UGLY, SO WHY NOT?

NAGI: I AM HURT.

…

AMA: *HAS DEEP BACKSTORY RELATED TO SWIMSUITS AND DOES NOT COME SHOPPING WITH THE BOYS*

GOU: WOW, THERE’S A LOT OF SWIMSUITS HERE.

ME: THAT IS LITERALLY THE MOST SWIMSUITS I’VE EVER SEEN CONVENIENTLY LOCATED IN ONE PLACE.

REI: *SCIENTIFIC MUMBO-JUMBO*

NAGI: STAHP.

REI: BY THE WAY MY VISION IS BLURRY WITHOUT GLASSES.

NAGI: R U SRS RLY?! LET ME SWIPE THEM

REI: NO WAIT

NAGI: A HO HO HO! I AM REI! I AM PROBABLY THE MOST RIDICULOUS CHARACTER IN THIS ANIME! ALSO I WEAR GLASSES!

REI: GIVE THEM BACK, HOW CAN I BE MEGANE WITHOUT MY MEGANE???

HARU: I CAN’T DECIDE BETWEEN THESE TWO SWIMSUITS THAT STILL LOOK IDENTICAL TO THE ONES I HAD TO CHOOSE FROM THIS MORNING. SUCH IS MY LIFE. I’M GOING TO GO TO THE CHANGING ROOMS TO PONDER UPON MY CHOICES.

MAKO: I AM SO UNAMUSED.

REI: LOOK AT THIS GREAT NEW SWIMSUIT. IT REPRESENTS MY PERSONALITY PERFECTLY.

MAKO: …IT’S A FUCKING RAINBOW SUIT.

HARU: I HAVE CHOSEN. *I THINK HE’S WEARING THE FIRST ONE HE PICKED UP, BUT WHO EVEN ACTUALLY KNOWS*

MAKO:  JUST DONE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. BYE.

GOU: HOT BODS!

HOT BODS: *TRYING ON SWIMSUITS*

PARTICULAR HOT BOD (YOU KNOW THE ONE): I’M A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY.

MAKO: WHY. **WHY?**

…

GOU: GEEZ THESE HOT BODS CAN TRY ON SWIMSUITS FOREVER.  I’M OUT.

SEI: TRA LA LA L—HOLY  CRAP IT’S MATSUOKA’S CUTE SISTER, HI GOU-KUN!!

GOU: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONLY STRAIGHT GUY ON THIS SHOW

GOU: BUT YOU’RE PUSHING IT RIGHT NOW.

SEI: EH HA HA HA HA???

GOU: WAIT, IF RIN’S HERE THEN I SENSE TROUBLE—

HARU:

RIN:

RIN: H-H-HHARU???!1!?!?!/!!!

HARU: RIN

HARU: ?

RIN: ASDFJ;LKAJSDFL;K

HARU: ?

NAGI: YEAH SPEEDOS!

RIN: …MEET ME OUTSIDE OKAY.

*SUDDENLY, OUTSIDE!*

RIN: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THE PAST THREE YEARS? I’M ASKING BECAUSE THAT’S PRETTY MUCH ALL I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT FOR THREE YEARS BUT I’M TOO TOUGH TO ADMIT IT.

HARU: IT’S OKAY, YOU DIDN’T REALLY FOOL ANYONE.

RIN: I STILL LOVE YOU.

RIN: NO I DON’T.

HARU: STILL NOT FOOLING ANYONE.

RIN: LET ME ANGST IN PEACE!

HARU: OKAY.

RIN: NO DAMMIT YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO WALK OUT ON ME *SLAMS HARU AGAINST FENCE*

EVERYONE: *GASP* OOOOOOH NO YOU DID NOT JUST—!

FANGIRLS: AAAAAEEEH :alsASDF;LkjsdF;LJlsdfJsdF F:owEIJSDFL *50 FANFICS ARE WRITTEN PROMPTLY*

RIN: FUCK YOU

HARU: …

RIN: I MEAN WHAT

*INTENSE STARING INTO EACH OTHERS’ EYES LADEN WITH…IMPLICATIONS*

HARU:

RIN: I MEAN YOU’RE GOING TO SWIM FOR ME!

ME: THERE’S NO WAY HE’LL SAY YES, THAT’S PRACTICALLY GIVING THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE TO SOMEONE ELSE—

HARU: *SPARKLES* KAY.

ME: WHAT

HARU: BUT DON’T BE A BABY ABOUT IT AGAIN OR THERE’LL JUST BE MORE ANGST TO GO AROUND, AND WE DON’T NEED THAT.

RIN: I-I AM NOT A BABY!

GOU: YOU KIND OF ARE, BRO.

RIN: I’M GOING TO GRAB WHAT I CAN OF MY DIGNITY AND TAKE MY LEAVE. RIGHT NOW. GRACEFULLY. IN A DIGNIFIED FASHION.

GOU: I STILL CAN’T TELL WHAT’S GOING ON WITH MY SHIP!

…

WRITERS: WOW THAT WAS INTENSE. UM LET’S JUST STICK SOME REI-COMEDIC-RELIEF IN STAT.

…

REI: BEHOLD, I HAVE BROKEN FROM MY COCOON!

NAGI: MAYBE IF HE LOOKS LIKE A SWIMMER, HE CAN SWIM!

REI: *GETS READY TO DIVE*

EVERYONE: *HOLDS THEIR BREATH*

REI: *PERFECT DIVE!*

REI: *SINKS*

REI: … … …

REI: **WHYYY??!!!**

HARU: I’LL TEACH YOU, N00B.

REI: SENPAI!!!

NAGI: THE WAY YOU SAID THAT MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

HARU: I CAN ONLY TEACH YOU FREE THOUGH.

REI: *LOOKS SURPRISED*

ME: WHY WOULD YOU LOOK SURPRISED.

*FINALLY, HARU’S MONTAGE*

HARU: IN THIS SHORT TIME, I HAVE TAUGHT YOU ALL I CAN. GO FORTH, YOUNG PADAWAN.

EVERYONE: *LOOKS ON WITH GREAT EXPECTATIONS*

HARU: *LOOKS ON*

REI: *PUSHES OFF THE WALL*

REI: *…AND SINKS*

EVERYONE + HARU: OH.

REI: **WHAT HAVE I DONE TO OFFEND YOU, WATER SPIRITS??!!**

SUN: *SETS*

REI: *MOPES IN CORNER* *AT LEAST HE’S NOT MOPING ON HIS BED* ALAS, THIS COLOR AGAIN. THE COLOR OF MY ANGST.

HARU: TO SWIM, YOU HAVE TO LOVE THE WATER.

REI: WHAT.

HARU: DIVE IN WITH YOUR HEART.

REI: YOU ARE LIKE THE PICASSO OF SWIMMING.

HARU: I TRIED.

REI: WHY CAN’T I SWIM AS FREELY AS YOU DO?

RIN: *APPEARS IN HARU’S HEAD AND CAUSES ANGST, AS ALWAYS*

HARU: I’M NOT FREE EITHER.

ME: WHOSE FAULT IS THAT.

ME: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WENT AND SAID “KAY I’LL SWIM FOR YOU”.

ME: I WARNED YOU.

ME: NOW YOU’RE DOOMED TO BE FOREVER PREOCCUPIED WITH RIN, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

ME: …

ME: ACTUALLY NOTHING’S CHANGED, CARRY ON.

REI: I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT AGAIN!

MAKO: *SAYS EQUALLY CRYPTIC THINGS ACROSS THE POOL*

NAGI: I JUST WANT TO HAVE REI TO MYSELF.

*THE NEXT MORNING!*

GOU: SOMEONE’S SWIMMING BUTTERFLY?

NAGI: DERP D’YA THINK IT’S HARU?

HARU: *APPEARS BEHIND THEM*

NAGI: OH HI.

NAGI: WAIT THAT MEANS IT’S REI-CHAN??!

REI: *TAKES OFF GOGGLES AND SHAKES OUT HAIR, LIKE A TRUE SWIMMER* *BY TRUE SWIMMER I MEAN HARU*

REI: I TOLD YOU I SAW THE LIGHT.

ANIMATOR: *STICKS IN SOME VAGUE SYMBOLISM WITH TWO BUTTERFLIES*

VIEWERS: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED. BUT MAYBE IF I DON’T QUESTION IT, THE NEXT EPISODE WILL MAKE MORE SENSE.


End file.
